Women Paying Alimony – “Manimony”

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Women paying alimony (permanent alimony) has become common place these days.  Even though there are some men who would rather die than take a penny of that money, there are many others who will gladly take the alimony payments.

Women Paying Alimony

Women Paying Alimony

The question is, why is it okay for a man to pay spousal support after a divorce but so hard to accept when the tables are turned? Women are mad as hell because they have to pay spousal support after divorce and many say they are not being fair.

“If it’s fair for a husband who earns more to pay his wife, then it is fair for a wife who earns more to pay her husband. Gender should not be an issue,” said Brette McWhorter Sember, 39, in an e-mail interview. The former lawyer, based in Clarence, N.Y., is the author of several books including “How to Parent with Your Ex (Sourcebooks).” (Skowal)

40 percent of households in the USA are headed by female breadwinners.   However of the 400,000 persons who are receiving some sort of alimony, only 3 percent were men according to the 2010 census.  So what is the reason for this, why are there so few men who are willing to accept support from their partners?

“The reason? Die-hard gender roles, a bitter fight from bread-winning wives and macho pride, say family attorneys. And in some parts of the country, judges are flat-out sexist.

“Gender equality is a relatively new concept in the span of history, and old stereotypes die hard,” says San Francisco Bay area divorce attorney Mark Ressa. “A successful man is considered a bread-winning man, and asking for alimony is considered emasculating.” (Johnson, 2014)

Women Paying Alimony

Women Paying Alimony – Fair or Not?

There are some cases where palimony is only fair, while there are others where it is clearly a gold digging experiment.  If a man and his wife come to the decision that it is best for the man to quit his job and stay home with the kids, then in my mind, he is a candidate for palimony.   Very rarely does a woman pay spousal support without a fight, yet many men can barely survive after a divorce because of alimony and child support payments. Is it only fair when the man is shelling out the dollars after a divorce or are we being a tad hypocritical?

“Aggressive pursuit of spousal support by men is becoming more common, some divorce lawyers say, as the stigma of asking for alimony fades.” (Gomstyn, 2009)

Should this scare women who are planing to get married?   A lot of the cases I have seen, the women did not start out working more money than their spouses.  Somewhere along they way, this happened so many did not think of protecting themselves.   How did we get to this stage where humans have gotten so cold.  What about being fair with each other?  In many instances a lot of this has to do with vindictiveness.   Nobody wants to think about the other.

How do you feel about a woman having to pay spousal support to an ex-husband?

How do you feel about a man getting spousal support from his ex-wife?

What role if any should gender pay  when it comes to spousal support?

 

 

Resources

Gomstyn, A. (2009). Role – reversal: Ex-wives angry over paying alimony. Retrieved from http://abcn.ws/1RyKwdB

Johnson, E. (2014). Why do so few men get alimony? Retrieved from http://onforb.es/1T6QiIS

Skowal. L. Women who pay alimony: It’s more frequent than you  think. Retrieved from http://bit.ly/1PsgmaH


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59 Responses

  1. CourtneyLynne says:

    Lol…. I really don’t know where I stand with this. Unfortunately I do see the craziest stories On the about alimony. Demanding thousands for wine budgets etc…. That’s just insane lol

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Beyond ridiculous I tell you. It must be contained because it is getting out of hand

  2. Kelly says:

    I think it should be equal both ways, unfortunately it’s not always that way. I hope to never have to experience divorce!

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Kelly me neither…it is so common these days but I think it can really be very stressful

  3. Mhaan A. says:

    It really makes me sad that few relationships did not work out. However, if that is God’s perfect plan for the couple, so be it. I think paying alimony should be agreed by both parties.

    Mhaan | http://www.mommyrockininstyle.com

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Mhaan..if only people would just be fair….treat the other how they would like to be treated. Sadly many times people feed on their hurt and every ounce of compassion goes out the window.

  4. Sarah Bailey says:

    I have to admit I don’t get this either way around? If there are children involved then yes paying for them I understand, but to keep paying for a partner you are no long connected to just seems strange to me. x

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Sarah me neither. It is kinda getting out of hand especially when you have unreasonable, crazy judges.

  5. jason young says:

    Divorce is hard and getting harded on all sides involved. This will just add to the complexity of it all

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Jason you are so right, this will indeed present more complications than before.

  6. R U S S says:

    This is pretty tough, so thank heavens that I am not married. We do not have divorce here in my country but I do know that there are cases that require spousal support – case-to-case basis.

  7. Ana says:

    When we talk about gender equality these days, then I feel that gender should not be consider for Alimony. Both husband and wife should pay alimony to each other from their salaries whether they are making millions or earning in peanuts. It shouldn’t be only husband paying for alimony.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Amen Ana….fair is fair and whoever is in the better position to do so should.

  8. Maybe gender should never play a role, we fight for equality, so maybe it is reasonable that if a women makes more money well.. She has to pay .. but not for ever haha

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      LOL @ Ana….you are right, we can’t be selective when it comes to equality and no it should not be forever.

  9. I think fair is fair and the rules for alimony should apply to both parties. I honestly hope to never find out…

  10. mardenec@hotmail.com says:

    Dalba that is how I feel. We need to be fair and put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. I agree that alimony should not be paid for life but as a measure to get the person back on their feet so they can help themselves.

  11. Dalba says:

    Interesting post. I don’t know how I would feel if I had to pay alimony. My husband currently makes more than I do. But if it was the other way around and he made less money and a divorce would put him in s tight position then I guess it would only be fair. But I agree with what someone else has said – I do not think that alimoney should be paid for life. A set amount of time should be agreed upon.

  12. Sage says:

    As long as the rules are applied evenly and equally, I don’t see an issue. Women have fought a long and hard battle for equality, and we don’t get to choose where and when it applies. I have a pre-nup to avoid this situation, pre-nups aren’t just for the very rich.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Sage you make a very valid point. Some people scoff at prenups and have all kinds of negative things to say about it. But in the world we are living it, it might be a very good idea for all persons, even those who don’t consider themselves rich

  13. Jojo Vito says:

    oh, maybe it depends on your culture…I can’t imagine a woman to pay support for the man.Lol

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      JoJo you are right….a lot of these things originates in the USA….and I think I will stop there…LOL

  14. mardenec@hotmail.com says:

    Julie I totally agree with you. These days some of these men are so full of it. But I guess they are not doing anything that women have not been doing for years….I guess you can say the tables are turned so now everybody has got to pay. As I said there are some men who would rather die than take a dime from a women when there is separation but some will milk it for all its worth

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Elizabeth I like the way you say it….we’re our own support group! There are so many injustices towards us as a group that I can’t see where we find the time to stand against each other. When together we can do so much more

  15. Well I’ll be …What okay hang on a minute the legal legal in me is shouting YES YES YES…if the mom/woman earns way more than the ex partner then I believe they should contribute to the well being of the fruits of their union..Thats it. Any more e.g. if he just demands that she pay him Manimony whatever that is jjust because they were wed and have no children between them then its seriously skewed….Man is supposed to support and protect woman…thats my belief!

  16. mardenec@hotmail.com says:

    Shaylee under certain circumstances I would say it is fair both ways. It is just sad that either group would want to exploit each other like that

  17. Shaylee says:

    Wow I’ve never thought of this before. My fiance and I make the same amount of money so I don’t think it would apply to us. I do think that it’s fair either way though.

  18. mardenec@hotmail.com says:

    Elizabeth..yes…totally for a period of time…for the person to get back on their feet or until the kids are all grown and out of the house. It is as if every ounce of compassion goes out the window and one spouse is trying to teach the other a lesson. If the person could work and decided that they are not going to work because the wife is making good money then they should get nothing in a divorce. As you have rightfully said along with others, if that husband was the one looking after the home while the woman worked then he deserves something without making a fuss and calling him out.

  19. Elizabeth says:

    This is a tough question. I’m not sure what the laws are, but spousal support (no matter the gender) should only be paid for a certain amount of time and in rare instances (like when one spouse stays home to care for the children/home). I don’t expect my husband to continue to pay for a lifestyle that I have grown accustomed to while married, if we should divorce. Dividing the assets equally makes more sense and paying child support to the person who has custody the longest. Spousal support should only be considered if one parent hasn’t been in the workforce for an extended time due to raising their children.

  20. Amanda says:

    Divorce just sucks for everyone.I think it depends on the situation, the reasons for divorce and who is taking care of the kids.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Oh yes Amanda divorce sucks all around. Everyone involved just needs to be objective….I think every sense of fairness goes out the window at times when persons are angry and raw

  21. Amy Jones says:

    I think if the situation deserves it, why not? after all it is for benefit of someone you used to care about.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Amy that is what I say too. For years women have been taking men for all they have, sometimes leaving them in such a bad position they can hardly function with another family. So as long as it is deal with fairly, I have no problem with that but some of these guys are being very unfair….but I guess women can be too…where did the love go?

  22. Dana says:

    I don’t think gender should play a role when it comes to alimony. If the woman makes more money and the man is caring for the children then the woman should have to pay the alimony.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Dana I don’t think gender should play a role either. Whoever makes the most should assist where they can if divorce takes place.

  23. Laurie says:

    I don’t think that gender should matter. But if it’s obvious either gender is trying to be a “gold digger” they should be cut off.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Laurie amen to that, once you realize that there is gold digging going on anywhere there then run for the hills

  24. I would say Yes! if the woman earns more and the husband spend more time taking care of the kids but this situation seldom happens.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Jessica, I agree that the situation rarely occurs but I have to say it seems like it is going to get worst. It is kinda catching on and many men are no longer ashamed to accept or ask for this.

  25. It’s simple: goose sauce = gander sauce

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Well Ernesto you are so right….that is the formula…what’s good for one should be good for the other

  26. I think men and women should be treated equal. If a man has to pay a woman when he earned more, then a woman should pay a man if she earned more.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Heather that is just it and the sooner we realize that, the easier life will be for everyone concerned. Fair is fair

  27. Eugenia says:

    Hmm,it’s not rare anymore and more and more women who end their marriages are stuck paying the alimony their ex-spouses…A generation ago he might have felt uncomfortable accepting alimony from the ex but know everything has changed.. Bur I agree with Elisabeth, it’s all about mindset

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Eugenia it is certainly not rare at all…LOL…times have really changed and it is going to be interesting to see how this plays out.

  28. Robin Masshole Mommy says:

    I don’t believe in alimony in any case. A divorce should be a clean split – period.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Robin I hear what you are saying but sometimes when there is a divorce the other partner has nothing. So getting a little help at least to get them back on their feet might be necessary.

  29. doran poma says:

    I think a partnership should always split evenly if they end up not working out. No matter the gender roles.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Doran I am not sure about evenly but I think whoever is earning more should help the other out of there is a split

  30. Elizabeth O. says:

    I think it’s all about mindset here. Like what was stated, gender equality is a new thing and I think it’s more of a pride issue for men to not accept money from their ex. But then again, there are women who should definitely provide, especially the ones who left their kids to their ex husbands so they can enjoy a life without responsibility. The same goes for the men, of course.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Elizabeth true words. Fair is fair, and that is just the long and short of the matter. For those who are just in it for the money then I say shame on them but in the case where the man assisted with kids and the household then there should not be a fuss

  31. Melisa says:

    I think it’s fair either way. If male breadwinners have to pay, then women breadwinners should too, it’s only right. Gender shouldn’t make a bit of difference.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Melisa that is absolutely true. Especially if the family takes the decision for the man to stay at home while the woman works. If that was the decision then it is only fair that he be given something if there is a split. It is interesting that women have been taking half of men’s money for years after a divorce and now that women are asked to do the same there is a lot of uproar. It is going to get more interesting too.

  32. I guess its hard to accept esp if the man is not a househusband taking care of the kids and is just a lazy bum.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Kathy I totally agree with you. We just have to be wise as women because there are gold diggers out there – both male and female. Some men have no shame and are just in it for the ride

  33. mardenec@hotmail.com says:

    LOL….you had m laughing as usual Claudette…it is really getting out of hand with this alimony as I think some people are abusing it.

  34. Oh dear, you finally stumped me!!! LOL. I have been married a couple times and although it might have been “due,” I did not claim alimony or any other payments. My first husband, the father of my only child did not pay any sort of custody. Every now and again he paid for something or school fees but no structured payment. That puts me on the side of then why should I pay anyone mamimony??? But the bigger me thinks, if this person walked the long journey with me, shared whatever they had, why not? There is a difference I guess between gold diggers, male or female, and giving back? As said, this one stumped me. 🙂