Are You Waiting For Mr. Right?

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Waiting On Mister Right

Are you one of those women in church waiting on Mister Right and refusing to budge from your “standards”.  Now I am not against standards, but when those “standards” do not make much sense then it might be time for a little chat.

Mister Right

There are those women in church who are already married and even though their spouse do not have half the qualities that they are telling you to look for; they still try to shove this on the single sisters.  At least on the ones who care to listen to what they have to say.  So you find that sisters place undue stress on themselves trying to find someone to fit a mold that is completely unattainable for the most part.

Let me start with the a list of things that I hear women say all the time.  This makes me want to just shake them and ask them where in the Bible is this written.  Now don’t get me wrong. to each his own, but the thing is, if you have unreasonable, unrealistic expectations of your future husband then you have already lost the battle.   If you feel like you have to have all that is on your list then do not complain that you cannot find anyone.  Stay with your list and wait for that person to show up without complaining.

Anyway as I was saying, here are a few of the things that I hear Christian women ask for in their future husbands……and yes they want ALL of these qualities or else:

  1. Must be older
  2. Must be more spiritual
  3. Must earn more
  4. Must have a university degree


Let me kind of set the record straight here.  Mister Right can be a lot of things that you did not think about and I want to just share a few things here.  Mister Right can be:

  1. Younger
  2. Be less or equally spiritual
  3. Earn less than you
  4. Be less educated

Now please do not jump around me, nor start marking X on my forehead.   Moving right along!  Let me say that I have seen many women toss aside a great Christian man, who would make her happy just because he is younger.  Let me hasten to say if this is something that makes you uncomfortable then it is best to stay away from younger men because in order for this to work, both parties have to be comfortable with the idea and not be overly concerned about what people are going to say.  Incidentally that is the main reason that women give why they cannot marry someone who is younger than they are. I would think that the only person we should be overly concerned about when selecting a life partner is God.  God’s opinion is the only outside opinion that matters and from God okay with it then everybody else’s opinion is null and void.   Can I get an amen!

Oooooooooooh Jesus….yes I said it your future husband can be less or equally spiritual.   Oh boy, I am going to get my armor and return……hahahahahaahhahahaahahahahaaha…..Okay I am back!  So as I was saying and I ask the question many times and have still not gotten a satisfactory answer.  Is it okay for the man to ask that his future wife be more spiritual than he is or equally spiritual?   Why is it that the man has to be more spiritual than the woman or I cannot marry you?   Is it necessary for the man to be more spiritual in order for the marriage to work?   We step into dangerous waters when we add undue stress to people who are already stressed over being single. What we find when we do this is men pretending to be “spiritual” and women falling for it and I don’t need to tell you what a disaster this can be.


Yes your husband can earn less than you! It is not in the bible that he should earn more than you so stop letting this story lead you around like a donkey.   Sometimes we come up with some things that make me want to just simply burst into laughter.  If the two of you have become one then why can’t you pool the resources without worrying about who makes what and work together?   I think there would be a lot less stress all around.   Where did we get these ideas from in the first place?  Who came up with these so-called rules that should govern how we select our spouse?  How has this been working for the church all these years.

Why is it that so many women insist that their future husbands have a degree? as if having a degree automatically means that you have common sense or know how to treat a woman.  Lord help me today!  Each time I hear it, my spirit groans within me.  The fact that I have a degree or two does not mean my future husband must also have one?  I have seen many men with degrees who do not know how to treat a woman so be careful that you don’t get the degree and nothing else…after all is degree you ask for and is degree you get…so easy!  Remember also that having a degree does not mean this person will be earning a lot of money as many believe.

Instead of focusing on those things when seeking a spouse why not seek for someone who loves God; who loves and respects you.  Some of these men without all of the above would take such good care of you; you would feel like a queen.  Some of these men are so glad to have you in their lives that no matter how many other are in the room; you feel like you are the only one because he gives you his undivided attention.  When you find that person who makes you stop what you are doing to think about him then talk to God about the next move and get his advice.  Stop listening to a bunch of people who have come up with unrealistic expectations that put undue stress on you and your future husband.   I hope I have given you some food for thought!

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59 Responses

  1. Anna Clarke says:

    Yes…people’s comments can often be hurtful to those who are patiently waiting for who the Lord has for them. While often given with good intentions, they can still be hurtful and perhaps misguided at times. I do believe that while we are called to be equally yoked, a man needs to be the spiritual leader by God’s design. In this, a couple can learn and grow together and it’s sooo life-giving and fulfilling. Have an amazing rest of the week, and God bless!!!!

  2. Mardene, this is definitely food for thought! It’s funny this whole thing about lists. I don’t think I had much of a list by the time I met my wife. I was just wanting someone to share life with. There’s no such thing as a perfect person. Her list was pretty long but she soon realized that God bringing two people together was better than any list she could ever come up with.

    I’m glad too… When we met I worked part time for a sales company, was studying nights to finish my degree, probably wasn’t too spiritual, and had a lot of room to grow. Thankfully, she did too. Sometimes we should strive to seek the potential in people – who they are becoming by being comforted to the mind of Christ. Instead, we often judge people and dismiss them based on the season of life they’re in.

    I’m glad God sees the potential in me. I’m glad God doesn’t see all my flaws and sin. Instead, God loves me and sees me through the blood of my Savior – Jesus.

  3. Inez Bayardo says:

    I think we have to remember that “good” things aren’t always “God” things. There’s nothing wrong with financial security or education these are “good” but limiting a potential spouse based on these things could mean missing out on a GOD thing. Great, great post!

  4. Rebecca B. says:

    I waited a long time to find my husband and I am so glad that I waited. He is younger than me, but that is ok because he has so many other amazing qualities!!

  5. Jed Jurchenko says:

    Some great insights. I like how you question if the man must be more spiritual. I would suggest too, that there are many men who are incredibly spiritual, but it’s not immediately obvious. Singing in church with hand’s lifted high, memorizing scripture, and talking about Jesus often, is one side of spirituality. Yet, being kind to others, helping someone in need–including giving a glass of water to someone who is thirsty–and working hard to take care of one’s family, are all very spiritual acts. Some men may be more spiritual than they initally let on 🙂 Wishing you a blessed week.

  6. It is always funny when we think we know better than what God has planned for us!

  7. When looking for Mr. Right we need to ask, are we Ms. Right?

  8. When looking for Mr. Right are we asking the question, am I Ms. Right?

  9. Andrea says:

    i would think it would be easier for us to pray for the partner that God wants us to have, no? 🙂

  10. Your thoughts here are spot-on! I remember how I felt like i was wasting my life away while waiting for my own Mr. Right. I was 26 when I was married at a time when all of my friends got married just out of college or high school. Now I know the Lord was preparing for the future.

  11. This is an excellent post! So practical! God sends exactly what we need, when we need it! 😀

  12. Andrea says:

    we also need to be asking God to give us the mate that He wants…

  13. There are SO MANY rules that people put on themselves….rules for how to find a spouse, how to court/date a spouse, what to look for in a spouse…..etc. I think you are so right in that we need to put those rules aside and get back to pursuing Jesus. Is this man (or woman) someone following Jesus? Do they love Him? Do they care about you? Do you like them? Ok then give it a shot!!

  14. Kristi says:

    i was a total list maker and had to have certain qualities. God knew much better than I did about what I needed and what He planned for us to do. It’s definitely more important to get direction from God than others.

  15. Marissa says:

    I could see how those standards could be crazy to find, I hadn’t heard about this issue for singles. Thank you for enlightening me.


  16. It is more difficult when you and your spouse are not at the same spiritual level, but it can be done. Let me also say that the road to holiness is bumpy, and we all slide along the way before we pick ourselves up; so things can and will evolve over time.

  17. You’re absolutely right. The most important quality you should look for in a spouse is love of the Lord.

  18. Miranda says:

    I agree again with your post. For example…my hubby doesn’t have a degree, but he earns more and is in a higher position at work than many who hold degrees because he is a good, hard worker and knows how to talk to people. So a degree isn’t anything. And as for a man being more spiritual…well, you should worry about your own spirituality and let God worry about his. And making more money? Do you love the man or his money? Sure, all these things are good but I wouldn’t consider them dealbreakers.

  19. Mary Collins says:

    Now that is food for thought for picking out a future husband. Interesting post!

  20. Andrea says:

    don’t ya think that God is the one who will give us what we ask for – in His will?

  21. Ah, well, my Mr. Right wouldn’t have fit any list I could have made before I met him. 🙂 I’m glad I wasn’t inclined to making those lists. They should just toss the lists and listen to the Spirit.

  22. Megan Elford says:

    You make some great points! I have to say though, when a woman marries a man that isn’t as spiritually mature, she has to watch herself SO closely. My mom had a couple of decades on my dad when it came to spiritual growth, but she was so gracious in letting him fumble his way through taking the spiritual lead in our house. Her respect for him was amazing, but I admit, I would find it much harder to hold my tongue, lol!
    If I may add more than my two cents, I see so many Christian singles (male and female) placing way too much emphasis on their “list”, even so far as to say the guy has to be the one initiating everything about the relationship. And so many miss out because of those “rules”. I think it’s something that needs to be far more organic and much less over-thought. Of course, this is from someone who has been out of the dating scene for 18 years, so take it for what it’s worth 🙂

  23. kathryneann says:

    “men pretending to be “spiritual” and women falling for it and I don’t need to tell you what a disaster this can be.” Right on! Been there. It was a disaster. Happy to see you courageously tackle this topic, a minefield.

  24. mursynursy says:

    I really enjoyed reading this ! It literally hit home because I’ve been thinking about these things lately. As far as having the hubby being more spiritual than the wife, I think it comes from the idea of the man being the ‘head’ so that means he must know more spiritually. And a lot of these ideas come from religious people. These people make up these rules that are found nowhere in the bible and expect everyone to follow them. I’m preaching to myself too because I am very picky when it comes to guys and I’m 25 lol. But I also know a perfect guy doesnt exist.

    • I have seen too many women allow good men to pass them by because they want to please the masses. Many times they end up pining after that guy and not truly devoted to the one they married. I am not even going there with any of them and I highly suggest you to the same. I agree with beiong picky because you cannot be too careful these days but the best advise I can give any woman is marry who you truly love, who you are comfortable with because you will be most miserable if you don’t. Life is too short.

      • mursynursy says:

        Yes definitely. And I believe that Im picky for all the right things. Having a relationship with God, and he doesnt need to be rich but able to be financially secure, and maybe taller than me lol. Plus all the nice personality traits.

  25. That’s a figment of many females imagination, just like how many of them are there waiting on God to find them a partner, but they not doing anything to make that a reality (They believe a man is going to come knocking at their door saying, I’m looking for Mary Jane, because God told me she lives here and need Mr. Right) poor thing I deading wouldn’t wanna end up like Mrs. Right still….

  26. There is no such thing as “Mr. Right” so I don’t know what they really waiting on….

  27. Style-Lee says:

    Really good food for thought, so inspirational!

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