Motherhood is not for everyone!

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Motherhood is not for everyone!  Some persons have made the choice not to have kids and that is their business.

Motherhood

It really is none of our business if a woman does not wish to have children.  There is no law that says that every woman should reproduce.   Why then is it so hard for people to understand when a woman says she does not want to have kids?  News flash, you are not going to convince a woman who has made up her mind that she does not want anything to do with having kids.

Pregnancy

Here is another thing, they do not owe us any explanations either. Some women knew from early that they did not want to have kids. Even though many have repeated these sentiments for years it pretty much falls on deaf years.  So in spite of the prior warnings many of these women have to endure endless questions from friends and family if they do not deliver the “goods”

Motherhood

Other women made the decision later on in life depending on what is going on around them.  Whatever the reason though, I still think it is disrespectful of us to be trying to convince this woman that she needs to fulfill some kind of calling by reproducing; as if failing to do so will result in some catastrophic illness. There are many reasons why women decide not to reproduce:

  1. They do not want to bring kids into this crazy world
  2. They just do not want to – no explanations necessary
  3. They prefer a child free life
  4. Fear of giving birth
  5. Turned off by the actions of the kids they have seen around them
  6. Finances
  7. Career

Pregnancy

 

People can be very brutal to persons who do not have children, sadly a lot of the times this comes from other women.  Just as we have chosen to have children, those women have chosen not to, so what is the big deal?  Perhaps they should turn the tables and start berating us for wanting to have children?  I wonder how that would make you feel if they should decide to do that?

So let us stop telling women what we think is best for them.  Every woman knows her situation and many times you are not privy to that, so it might be best to just observe.   If she does not ask you advice then try not to give it.  I know that when we are in the throes of motherhood we tend to think that everybody should experience this and I get it.  However, in our eagerness to spread the good news about the joys of motherhood we could very well be hurting those we love.

Oh and telling women that they need to have kids so they can have someone to take care of them when they are old is just bordering on crazy.  The fact that you have kids, does not mean any of them will be there to take care of you in your golden years. Also you may very well outlive your kids so come with a better reason than that.

And no it is not because they hate children so do not even go there.  Some of these women are the best aunts in the world and children love them.   So stop fishing for reasons why any woman decides to remain childless.  Having kids is not the only thing that gives a woman purpose because many women are fulfilled by many other things.

I literally roll my eyes when I hear people trying to figure out why such and such does not have any children.   As hard as I try, I still cannot figure out how this became their concern.   I have friends who do not have kids and I have never, nor will I ever ask them why?

There are those who believe that because you can “afford” to have children then you should.  I am assuming that by “afford” they are talking about financially and I disagree with this reasoning totally.

At the end of the day it is the woman’s choice.  So please friends and family back off because it is not a crime. I chose to have 1 child but if any friend or family member prefers the opposite then I support them 100%.  Some persons are quite contented with making their nieces and nephews happy, and that is fine.

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71 Responses

  1. K E Garland says:

    Totally agree. I might add, don’t tell people how many kids to have. At one point an in-law said I was selfish if I didn’t have more than one kid. She then told my sister-in-law that they didn’t need any more kids (they have four). Everybody should just mind their on business!

  2. amanpan says:

    It is a woman’s choice. I never had children and no regrets.

  3. I think that everyone has their own desires on whether or not they want to have children. If they don’t want to have children, it’s probably better they don’t and we shouldn’t judge them for it.

  4. It is a wonderful decision to have children, but it’s also personal and should be done wide awake 🙂
    Thanks for sharing.

  5. Every woman has the right to choose, there’s nothing that says you HAVE to have children! Whatever will make you happy in life is what you should do 🙂

  6. People has the choice to have or have not any children. We need to respect that.

  7. Rosey says:

    It’s definitely a personal choice. And one that should never be pressured.

  8. top5life says:

    The societal pressure is a huge pressure to humans. I don’t understand why thy don’t mind their own business. Its absolutely an individual’s choice. And nobody should comment on it.

  9. I couldn’t agree more! It is as if I was the one who wrote this article!

  10. Esme Sy says:

    I have an aunt who never wanted to have children. She was pretty open with her reason and we respect her for that.

  11. Important subject. I am in my early twenties and everybody asks me when it is going to happen and i just think it just will happen when im prepared.

  12. I’ve always said that I admire women who choose not to have children. It’s not for everyone.

  13. Heather says:

    I agree, your business is your business weather you have kids or not. I think its something some people ask just to pass conversation, but often if its been asked too much, it can seem like someone is breaking some society standard by not conforming to the mold.

  14. Kiwi says:

    Great topic! I have became a statistic of a modern tv show or ROM-COM movie. I just turned 30 single and nope…no kids! OH MY GAWD! What am I gonna do? Live and be free lol! I actually want kids but I think its rude when people timeline my life and ask me when will I have kids and I am single…so rude. Like how will I have kids and I am not married? Is that responsible does that make any sense? No, so until then I will live my carefree, childless life with money in my bank account to support single me at the moment!

  15. I totally get this! I don’t have kids and people (friends and family) are starting to ask what we’re waiting for. To me the obvious answer is marriage, but aside from this I know that I’m too selfish right now to even think about having kids. I wish more people would just get it and worry about their own ovaries!

  16. Nicole says:

    It is always amazing to me, how someone’s most personal decisions can be viewed as other people’s business by some! This post is spot on. No one’s concern but your own should you choose to have children!

  17. Lexie Lane says:

    I understand you. When I was younger, I said that too. Now I have children! But we have our own decisions. 🙂

  18. Every woman has a choice to become a mother or not. It’s nobody else’s business or responsibility but her own and no-one can judge her. Can’t miss the Bob Marley quote “Who are you to judge the life I live?
    I know I’m not perfect
    -and I don’t live to be-
    but before you start pointing fingers…
    make sure you hands are clean!”

  19. I chose to have children, that is what I wanted. Everyone has to have their own experience, if they chose to have or not have it is a woman or mans choice. I have friends who don’t have any children and that is their choice. I tell them it is a personal choice and don;’t let anyone push you into having a child if you chose not to have one.

  20. Elizabeth O. says:

    Women should never surrender to the “norm”. Just because we’re made to reproduce and procreate, doesn’t mean we have to. We all have our own minds and we all think differently. No need to generalize, really. I agree with you on this one.

  21. michelle says:

    i agree with what you said so much and i understand it all to well as i have been very vocal about the fact that i’m not sure about wanting children in the future. i also get similar reactions when i add that if i do have children i don’t want to have them myself

  22. I’ve known since I was a little girl that I wanted babies… on the other hand I can remember my best friend saying she didn’t want kids as early as middle school. No one should make someone else feel bad about their decision… you never know why they made that choice in the first place!

  23. To each her own, I always say. I don’t judge those who don’t have children or those that do have them. This is a great post and I am glad you are standing up for your believes

  24. Liz Mays says:

    It’s absolutely none of our business what other people do. I don’t understand why that’s an issue people feel they can comment on.

  25. All of us are constantly being told what to do by someone. It is something we all have to accept as a reality that everyone else things they know what is best for us.

  26. I’m with you! In general I hate when people try to force their beliefs on others. It’s just plain annoying. No one ever needs to give an explanation for why they don’t want to do something. If they give an explanation, fine, but if they don’t want to, get over it and move on with your life!

  27. Ana De-Jesus says:

    Here here I am too young to settle down and I just want to enjoy life!

  28. I made a decision long ago that I want kids though I do not have them yet. I think it is so annoying that people can be judgmental about those who do not want to have kids

  29. Idaintyit says:

    Its not for everyone. Personally I couldn’t imagine my life without having children, it is just something I have always wanted but my sister is very different, she would rather have a great life travelling and is unsure if she will ever have kids. No one person is the same

  30. I have several friends who chose not to have children. It never even dawned on me to ask them why?

  31. Genevieve says:

    I get this all he time, I am only 30 years old but probably the only one out of my social group that does not have kids. Not because I ever said I didn’t want them it just never happened! I married a career first. In the past I have felt pressured by others and bad about being childless. Why, that’s not right why other women would be so vile about something and break another woman down for what pleasure? I have since removed these people from my life, no matter how much I once loved them, because it’s a terrible thing they do to me and I’m worth more than that. Some questions just should not be asked who knows maybe I will have kids maybe not, but it is not for anyone to judge me. I love this post thank you for writing it.

  32. I don’t think everyone has to have children. It’s not meant for everyone. It’s a choice others should respect.

  33. tara pittman says:

    It is a ladies choice to have kids. I have 5 kids and wanted more.

  34. How many kids someone has is no one’s business but there own. And that goes for people with zero kids up to a dozen or more kids. Just mind your own business, no.

  35. Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says:

    I never wanted kids – until one day I did. It literally changed over night.

  1. March 15, 2016

    […] sometimes when it come to infertility or having children in general.   See a post I did called No I do not wish to have children.  Since infidelity can happen to anyone of us, then this should be a sensitive topic for all […]

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