Adult Bullies in Church

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Adult Bullies in Church

There is this trend in churches of adult bullies and unfortunately these are mainly middle-aged or older women.    Lord give me faith!  These women take it on themselves to be judge and jury of everything and everybody who come through the doors of the church.

adult bullies

What I cannot understand is why they have been allowed to be such a pain to all for so long?  It is not that they are hiding what they are doing or how they are.  The entire church body knows who these women are and what they are doing…..YET they have been allowed to terrorize people for years.

It is sad to say but these women rarely have anything good to say about anybody including the pastor.  Of course they will get along nicely with the pastor if he agrees with them and allow them to terrorize everyone. However, as soon as the pastor stands up to them he/she becomes public enemy number 1.  The other sad thing is many of these women have been in church for many years and have listened to countless sermons.  Now I don’t know if they have selective hearing or what….because I know at some point someone must have spoken on the topic of loving one another.   You have to wonder if they were really listening to anything  after all these years.
adult bullies

Adult Bullies Wreak Havoc

My concern is the many people they have caused to leave the church because of their nonsense.   You have to be strong to keep grounded when they are around because their words can cut like a knife and have wounded many. Some persons cannot deal with all this drama and as a result they have left.   Now if they leave to attend another church then that is not so bad….what is bad and more than sad is when they leave and just decide not to have anything to do with church.

My solution to all this is to ask these women to either shape up or LEAVE! Yes that is what I said….I think we should ask them to find somewhere else to ply their wares.   Many persons have left the church because of these busy bodies; people who could have contributed much more than they are “contributing”.  I urge those who are in charge to look into this and do something about it before some churches are left with just them.   Or maybe that would not be such a bad idea, then they could all just go at each other until Jesus comes.

Disclaimer:  I know men do these things too but sadly most of this is done by women.   Hence my reason for focusing on the women because we need to do better.

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33 Responses

  1. Beka says:

    This is so true! I have several hurtful stories in my own life when I ran into this problem as a young girl. So sad. The problem with running them off is that they so obviously need Jesus to intervene in their hearts.

    I think people keep them around hoping that their behavior will change by osmosis, instead of biblically confronting their sin.

  2. Carriece Jefferson says:

    Love the blog post and I actually wrote about church bullies because I was a victim of it for a long time without really realizing it until years later. Sad to say but many people in the church do things worse than non-believers because they know most people won’t react in the same way an outsider would.

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Carriece if you were nearer I would give you a real h-five but I am sending an electronic one your way. I promise God that I will speak out about these things until I blow my last breath. We can’t forget that some people are just church goers and that makes them right up there with the unsaved. Let us keep in touch please. I am going over to follow your blog

    • mardenec@hotmail.com says:

      Please send me the link to your blog when you get a chance

  3. Diana says:

    Loved this post. This can be very true. I think since we are being so honest, the reason the behavior is tolerated is because some people in the church may feel sorry for them. Sometimes these ladies have been rejected by their husbands or children. They may also be going through menopause or other dietary issues. And if that’s the case, perhaps the ones who should be correcting their behavior can stop feeling sorry for them and remind them who they are in Christ, not this puffed-up self-esteem of self-righteous gossipers.

  4. musiqfimi says:

    I like this, what you find about these women is that they have some ties with the people in the church and they can’t be let off easily. Also that their lives are really sad. It could be the demons they live with

  5. Thanks for this article. The answer is not always kicking the “old gal (s)” or “the old boys club (the male version of the same thing) out of the church. What I have discovered is that there are usually ladies in waiting or men at arms ready and able to take their places should they be exiled.
    This is a discipleship issue and a confrontational discipleship issue at that. You may not know this but they don’t teach “confrontation” in seminary. Usually pastors stink at this kind of stuff because we got into the line of work to love people and preach and teach the gospel not to deal with mean-spirited old crabs.
    From a pastor’s side it helps to know there are people who will support him if he does confront the old girls or old boys club especially because those folks usually not only talk nasty but fight nasty.
    In our church we did have to ask one of our parishoners to leave because of their poisonous gossip. It was not lightly done and we had many tear-filled discussions over months of time before the decision was finally made. We followed the biblical model (individual confrontation, pastor led confrontation and then the elders were involved). It was hard. Opportunities for repentance were offered and refused at each level and friendships were seriously effected before it was all over. It is not something I would wish to do very often.

  6. Denise says:

    Oh wow, tough topic to answer. If this is being allowed then the problem is probably bigger than these women.

  7. While it is not right for these ladies to be acting this way, what if we were to look at them as Jesus does? How does he see these precious souls? As mere women getting into everyone’s business or as children that he deeply loves and died for. Maybe they need someone to love them or to remind them that what they are doing is hurting others. Just a thought though. It is a hard topic to find answers to really.

    • Rhiannon I (and I think other Christians) look at them as Jesus does. We are aware of how Jesus sees them…but we are also aware that even though he loves them and even though we love them we need to really speak to them about this because somehow I think they do not see that what they are doing is wrong. If you look closely at the article, I am saying that the leaders should start guiding them somewhat instead of just allowing this to go on. It is really a hard topic to deal with but I believe that if we love them we will not encourage them in any way. Who protects the people they are hurting and driving away?

  8. wow! How sad is this? I hate hearing this! People need Jesus

  9. pray for them – they may be just very negative people to begin with

  10. Miss Meliss says:

    This is an issue in many churches. I’ve had my own run-ins with church gossip and what- not. It’s hard to be a Christian for many different reasons; we face challenges across the board. Our own brothers and sisters in Christ have turned their backs on us. Atheists are in constant attack mode, even targeting Christian groups for the purpose of humor. I just try to stay strong in my faith and pray for guidance through the storm. I find comfort in understanding that we’ve been instructed to quietly address these issues. When facing a sister or brother who isn’t being Christ like, I suggest you pull them to the side and have a heart to heart. Sometimes people aren’t aware of the damage they cause with their words and actions.

    Thanks for sharing this article. 🙂

    • My concern is for the members who are not as strong who will be very affected by this. We can only pray that the Holy Spirit show them the way. I know how to deal with them , it is those who run scared of them that really gets to me

  11. dawnlizjones says:

    Not a new problem, for sure. Makes me think of Paul’s very direct words towards such women (in particular, women) in his day. OH!! “may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your site, O Lord.”!! Makes me wonder if the women in church (through a womens’ group??) would make a pact with the Lord and each other with a loving but coined response when such abuse is heard. Perhaps we women need to address it. Thanks also for the reminder–to me!

  12. munyingnying says:

    They need prayers, my friend. They need to experience the mercy and love of God–for real. We need to pray for wise and godly leaders as well, ie pastors who could also be good administrators–to put people in the right places. Also the involvement of many other people in different ministries so that they don’t get to be dominated by a few.

    I think it needs to be evaluated too why some people have “power”. The church, as a body, has to make a stand–who is underpinning the church anyway? If it is God, then even without the influential people around, it will stand.

  13. It only goes to show that these people need something to do in order to occupy their mind and time, it is only fair that they involved in a “Senior Citizen’s Group” where they learn to do sewing, baking, art and craft and socialize with their peers. As my Grandmother and mother always say ‘The Devil Find Work for Ideal Hands”….. At if you don’t find time to occupy you time and mind the devil will know exactly what to do with you, I hereby rest my case…..

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